You open your own sports agency. Which pop culture all stars will be your first clients? “Show me the money!”
This week’s League of Extraordinary Bloggers challenge is strange. It’s all about pretending you’re Jerry Maguire and assembling the top free agents of pop culture that you want. Sadly, I’ve never seen Jerry Maguire, nor do I ever intend to. Likewise, I could care less about 99% of the sports out there… So I decided to assemble what I consider to bet the ultimate team of sports players I would manage if I had to enter an MTV “Rock N’ Jock” event of some sort. So I present to you, the Infinite Hollywood Pop Culture Zephyrs!
First up is that master of low budget 90’s Kung fu himself, Don “The Dragon” Wilson!
What can’t he do? First, he can’t act. He also can’t be Bruce Lee… Okay, there’s not a lot he CAN do, but I bet he’s awesome at foosball and I suspect that’s a big part of this. Plus he made a lot of movies and sometimes got paired up with Cynthia Rothrock. That alone makes him worthy of the team.
Joining him will be legendary wrestler, King Kong Bundy! I don’t know if Bundy will bring that kid along with him, but if he does he’s TWICE as dangerous. Just look at Bundy! The master of all he surveys. He’s clearly at peak physical condition. Like a fine wine, Bundy just gets more alcoholic with age. I bet Hulk Hogan wouldn’t fight him in the steel cage now! As part of the Zephyrs, Bundy will give our team the guts (literally) to be the best.
From American Gladiators is none other than Zap! She’s stronger than an ox and at least as pretty! She’ll add some much needed femininity to the team. Plus she’s the only one who’s likely still in shape. She’ll twist any other teams into a pretzel and then defeat them at Joust and the Wall! Suck on that Turbo!
The team just gets better with Al Leong! Is he an athlete? It depends on if you consider murdering people with a machine gun a sport! I do. Just look at the way he squats a toot over the Hollywood sign. That takes determination, no fear and an anus of steel, all important elements to the Pop Culture Zephyrs. As an added bonus, he’s Asian and that gives our team some diversity. What, you didn’t really think Don “The Dragon” Wilson was Asian did you?
Last but certainly not least, fresh from TNN’s RollerJam is Marc D’Amato, the badass dude who looked like Goldberg and would always rough people up on roller skates. Actually in researching this team, I found out that D’Amato sadly died a few years back. So we’ll just trot the real Bill Goldberg out in a pair of roller skates and call him Mark D’Amato. Nobody will notice, nor will anyone care.
So that’s my team. They’re ready. Show me the money, or whatever.
Elsewhere in the League, Fortune & Glory obviously didn’t take this seriously because he comrpised his team of a bunch of fictional characters. Come on man, you can’t hold a candle to the Zephyrs! I’m sure more League members will assemble a team soon… Or not.