It’s time once again kiddies to head into the dank and mysterious underworld filled with plastic movie toys and 5 points of articulation. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for another… TALES FROM THE TOY AISLE!

This week we’re headed to the local Walmart in search of something interesting. Will Walmart house any ancient discoveries or perhaps unveil a new product to us? Don’t hold your breath!

Walmart Man of Steel
Right as soon as we enter, there are tons of Man of Steel toys to look at. It doesn’t look like the box office success of this movie is going to translate into toy sales. Part of the problem of making a more “adult” Superman movie, I suppose.

Walmart Exclusive
Walmart is the place to go for these 3 3/4 Superman figures from Mattel. They even have exclusives that light up. Some of those look pretty neat. I really like that “Powers of Krypton” logo the best.

Superman doll
They even pulled out the old Wrestling Buddy format and made a Superman version. Sadly, these Mattel buddies are very undersized.

Hasbro Collection
Speaking of movie toys that don’t sell… Iron Man 3 everybody! I guess I don’t blame Hasbro for going to 5 POA for these, because even when they made super articulated Iron Man movie toys, they didn’t move much. Then again, they did move better than this.

Joker Unlimited
Look everybody it’s the world’s worst looking Joker figure!

Mattel Superman
And he’s not alone! He’s got a crummy Superman to go with him! I’m sure Mattel thought it would be timely to put another Superman on the shelves in their DC Unlimited line, but it looks so similar to the Man of Steel crap that it just makes the shelves look flooded.

Lanard
It’s our old friends, THE CORPS! There’s the awesome Ethan Crowne figure in there as well. Man, I love that figure. I really need to pick up a few more Corps guys. I wish they’d come up with some new ones.

CORPS
They did make this neat Lunch Box style battle pack. That’s kind of cool. Corps needs some awesome bad guys. Storm Trooper types I think. On the plus side, these have more articulation than either of the summer movie lines.

Crazy Kid
Speaking of GI Joe knockoffs, Tonka has this wild set with a vintage GI Joe style body figure. It also has a crazy looking PVC dog and boy. I think I’m staying away from these two, they look like they’ve been in the bath salts.

GI Joe Retaliation
Hey this REAL GI Joe looks kind of neat. Cyber Ninja? I dig it… $10? Yeah, I’ll pass.

Turtle Balls
This Walmart was just about out of Ninja Turtle figures, but they did have these neat Turtle Mash Ems. I don’t know how neat they really are, but I’m still loving seeing new TMNT product.

Trash Pack UFC
Apparently those Trash Pack figures have learned some MMA! It’s Ultimate Fighting Trashies! You’d think that would fall under some kind of legal problem, but I guess not. I don’t really get it, but I’m sure someone will make a website about it 10 years. It’ll be like when they started making M.U.S.C.L.E. figures in color and everyone will mark it as the moment that the line started to go down the drain.

Ultimate Spider-Man
I’m not quite sure what Hasbro is doing with their Spider-man lines. They seem to have a ton of them right now and none are really very inspired. I like the sculpt on these.

Hasbro spiderman
But they’ve only got a few points of articulation and this strange string through the arm gimmick. It sort of makes sense for Spidey, but EVERYONE has one. It’s just odd…

Translucent Spiderman figure
I also like this figure, but again, only a few points of articulation and in my book Spider-man needs to be able to move!

Slime
Finally on my way out I found this vending machine of slime, err, Goop! I used to buy this kind of stuff all the time for a quarter. I never slimed my figures though, because that’s stupid. These have some neat colors, but I was a bit shocked to see it comes in “it’s own package” as opposed to just rolling around in the little plastic ball.

Safety Tested
Safety tested? I know wasn’t ever tested in the 80’s! If it’s safe, I don’t want it!

That’s it for this round. Walmart was a bust, but you never know what you might find in the dark corner of the toy aisle!

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