There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are now controlling the transmission. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can deluge you with a thousand channels or expand one single image to crystal clarity and beyond. We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive. For the next five minutes we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to the farthest corner of Toys R Us, it’s time for… TALES FROM THE TOY AISLE!

We begin our toy aisle adventures this week in Target, where all of their Mattel Toy Story stuff is on clearance. I wanted to pick up some of these little Toy Story Buddies packs, but they were so overpriced to begin with that this markdown isn’t very good.

Here’s the Woody I was talking about on Twitter a while back. It’s pretty much the perfect Woody IMO, since the talking Woody figures don’t even have his real voice. Still, I couldn’t bite even on clearance. Maybe if he goes down a few bucks more. Those Mattel Buzz figures suck even worse than I thought… No leg articulation. For shame Mattel, for shame.

Speaking of toys on sale, Target keeps marking their Joes down cheaper and cheaper. I’m not really sure how Target got such a screwed up mix of GI Joe. Every other store got a good mix, but Target ended up with MOUNDS of Wave 1 and it’s totally killed GI Joe at Target. Yet, they’ve never went clearance so that gives me hope that Hasbro and Target are eventually going to get this straightened out. Sadly even at $3.99, there’s nothing in Wave 1 from ROC that I want or need. Six months too late Target.

Of course nothing is worse than JLU at Target. Mattel finally got new JLU singles on the shelf, but they packed three different decos of Batman in the assortment. Ridiculous at $9. I’m pretty much quitting JLU. It pains me so bad too. Oh they also packed in the same Green Lantern that’s available for $2 at Big Lots. The only new figure I ever see is Deadshot, except I got him when he came out in the 3 pack. Mattel has managed to make me hate JLU and also decreased the value of all my rare JLUs at the same time. Crap.

In case you were wondering how DCUC is doing… Here ya go, and yes those are all Cyborg.

They did have a full assortment of the Fearless Force though! Does anybody collect these things? I assume the kids of this generation will fondly remember these little off-brand guys like I remember the CORPS. This dude looks a bit like a generic version of ROC Cobra Commander.

So I guess this makes this dude, Duke.

And a multipack with Rambo, Incinerator, Casey Jones and that guy from Breaking Bad! Or not. The pricetags are low enough I might start collecting these guys… Nah.

Speaking of stuff from my youth, (Was I speaking of stuff from my youth?) GARBAGE PAIL KIDS! Cool beans. It says that inside are actual vintage card reproductions. That’s pretty cool. I rented the Garbage Pail Kids movie from Netflix a few years back. I hadn’t seen it since I was a kid… Yeah, so that sucked.

HALO has a whole section at Target now. For a while they were just at select Targets, but they seem to be at all of them now. These figures look pretty cool. It’s a shame I don’t collect Halo stuff… Well except Odd Pods.

This pack looks particularly cool. I’m sure I’ll get real big into Halo toys once they’re off the shelves. That’s pretty much par for the course with me it seems.

AHHH! Look who it is?! It’s prepubescent Matty Mattel, still smirking like a jackass and laughing at me. He’s also on the phone talking to his friends? Probably bragging about making Orko a SDCC exclusive. The jerk.

I know this is an age old question, but why does Spider-man need a car? Clearly he does need one, because every toy line always gives him a car. Or a 4 Wheeler.

There’s also this weird water based, purple translucent Venom figure out now too. He looked kind of cool. I actually bought the standard Venom from this line and one of these days I’ll get around to reviewing him. I’m just really lazy.

So the coolest toys were over in the party supplies section. Check out this toy, it’s Connect Four, but with Smarties. This way you can have fun with your friends and get juvenile diabetes.

Miniature Wooly Willies BAH GAWD!

But the absolute coolest thing I saw at the trip to Target… Rock’em Sock’em Robot rings! Now you can have all the fun of Rock’em Sock’em but in the form of rings! This totally changes the way I plan on proposing.

That’s it for this time, but beware that just around the bend, lurking in the darkest corners of the department store is something your wildest dreams could never conceive when we venture into TALES FROM THE TOY AISLE!

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