Originally this year I planned a bunch of Christas themed reviews, as I usually do with my “Christmas in Hollywood” celebration each year. However, because of the damned Lego Advent and the 12 Days of Gamera, I’ve had to cut a bunch of that stuff out. Most of it I’m just shuffling off into things I’ll review for next year, but some of this stuff I need to get up so that it won’t be dated.

Such is the case with these two types of holiday M&Ms. I believe that they may both be new for the season, but I feel fairly confident that at least the cinnamon M&Ms are. So here’s my brief review of both the new Cinnamon M&Ms and the Cherry Cordial M&Ms.

First up is the cinnamon M&Ms. Let it be known that I’m not really a huge fan of cinnamon, but for whatever reason as I was looking through the sales papers on Thanksgiving, I saw an ad for Cinnamon M&Ms at Target and I thought they sounded good. So I then began to search for them. I’m convinced that they are Target exclusives, because I went to every other retailer and local grocer in town and ONLY Target has them.

Anyway, when I finally bought them at Target (M&Ms were cheaper elsewhere, which is why I searched around) I picked up a bag of the Cherry Cordial ones too, because Target was doing one of those Buy 2 for $5 deals.

Cinnamon and Chocolate is not exactly a new idea. I’m pretty sure that the Aztecs or the Mayans or some other ancient civilization used to mix the two together all the time. Granted they also used to sacrifice babies and virgins and pierce their testicles, but hey we got Twilight, Rap music and Jersey Shore so no era of civilization is not without it’s flaws. Anyway, it sounded like a interesting new way to eat M&Ms.

The first thing that you’ll notice (and this is true of both holiday M&Ms) is that they’re huge and misshapen. These are about the size of Peanut M&Ms, yet there isn’t anything in here but chocolate. There’s no reason that Cinnamon M&Ms should be any bigger than M&Ms original recipe. And yet, they are? My theory is that these are made in a bootleg M&M factory and not in the REAL factories where they produce their top quality products.

Which brings me to the candy themselves. The Cinnamon M&Ms are a ripoff. Only the red ones taste like cinnamon and even then it’s only a hint of cinnamon. The rest of those M&Ms? The slightly red and brown ones? They’re just filled with regular chocolate. So not only can you barely taste the cinnamon in the ones with the cinnamon in them, but they’re packed with an asston of giant misshapen regular M&Ms that drown out any cinnamon flavor you might have tasted.

There’s also some odd thing on here about starting your own chocolate business. WTF is this about? If I’m starting my own business, I’m sure as hell not going to give my secrets to Mars! Or Dove! Or whoever the hell owns M&Ms! Screw you Cinnamon M&Ms!

The Cherry Cordial M&Ms fare a bit better as they have an overwhelming taste of cherry cordial. In fact I think they’re far too strong. You can eat one or two, but you can’t eat handfuls. It’s just too strong of a taste. It’d be like dumping a whole box of Queen Anne’s down your gullet.

Yes I’m well aware that I just complained that the Cinnamon M&Ms were too faint and now I’m bitching that these are too strong, but it’s just a fact. Also for some reason, these have less sodium and less fat, even though they’re essentially the same thing.

Also notice how there’s one darker Cherry Cordial M&M? Well there’s supposed to be two colors (they both have the same flavor) but I had a grand total of TWO of the darker red M&Ms in the whole bag. TWO! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! What the hell is up with that?

Bootleg M&M factory, I’m telling ya.

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