Astronaut Ice Cream
By: Space Foods

When I was a kid, field trips to the history museum typically meant one thing… Astronaut Ice Cream! No matter how many times I went to the various museums through the years, I always made sure I had enough money for this space-age treat. Who cares, even if we faked the moon landing… We invented this!!!

For years I’ve wanted to try it again. Did it taste as good as I recall as a kid? The problem is that I haven’t been to a museum in several years and the last few places I’ve went that might have had it, surprisingly enough didn’t have any. What kind of a gift shop doesn’t have Astronaut Ice Cream?

But all hope is not lost as Old Navy (yes, OLD NAVY!) is currently selling Astronaut Ice Cream on their shelves. Let’s take a trip to Ben & Jerry’s in outer space!

Nothing too revolutionary here, it comes in a simple metallic bag. It’s not even vacuum sealed, I don’t think. Not to worry, this stuff isn’t going to go bad.

Inside there is a smaller white rapper paper. This paper is kind of strange as it’s sealed and yet, there are three slits in it which basically allow particles to fall out and get in. I’m not sure of it’s point.

The back of the package gives you a little historical rundown of what the product is and how it’s made. It also has nutritional information on it as well. This is important if you’re trying to keep your figure on the moon.

Ground control to Major Tom… Ground control to Major Tom…

Take your protein pills Astronaut ice cream and put your helmet on!

So what exactly does Astronaut ice cream taste like? Well a lot better than commie Cosmonaut ice cream, I can tell you that much! USA! USA!

I suspect when the folks at NASA were making space ice cream, they knew they had to make it Neapolitan. Otherwise there would be a huge fight in space. I mean, what flavor do you take? Plus this was the 1960’s, so you had to have all three flavors that were available. Plus what if we encountered aliens? If we only could offer them ONE flavor of ice cream, they would no doubt invade our planet and devour our flesh bodies because of our lack of progress. However, since we have three flavors, no full scale invasions have happened yet. Coincidence? I think not.

Each flavor is unique. Vanilla is probably the most like it’s non-freeze dried counterpart. This is a pretty perfect replica of vanilla ice cream. I don’t know how they do it, but it works.

Chocolate is probably the most popular flavor of ice cream, but it suffers a bit in Buck Rogers form. It’s a little heavy and overly chocolately flavored. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty good approximation, but of the three it’s probably the weakest.

When I was a kid strawberry was my favorite flavor of ice cream. As I’ve gotten older, I think vanilla is my favorite. Proof that as you get older your brain turns on you. Hell I like split pea soup now! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!

Anywho, the strawberry is very good. It’s probably not as authentic as the vanilla, but it’s really damn close. It’s probably the best of the three overall, even if it’s not 100% as close as the vanilla is. The strawberry just has the right punch to it.

The ice cream sort of has the consistency of a packing peanut. It might be off putting to some people. It doesn’t bother me. Clearly I’m ready for outer space travel. That is like the only requirement, right?

Yes, I am available for tongue modeling!

Plus it melts in your mouth, not in your hand!

This is the one area where the space ice cream really sucks.

The articulation here just isn’t up to par with most toy lines out there. I mean… It’s just not moveable much at all. We’re talking Green Lantern 3 3/4 bad here. Then again, this is ice cream for moonmen! Maybe I should have skipped this section.

At $4 this isn’t the cheapest snack on the planet (but it’s pretty cheap on Uranus, heyoooo!) but it’s definitely cheaper than you’d pay at a museum. For starters, you don’t have to go to a museum. I mean, you can go to Old Navy and get some socks or something and some ice cream. It’s also cheaper than most places that sell it online. No shipping charges. I have no idea why Old Navy is selling this stuff, but I approve.

And so do aliens! So go buy some. EAT IT!

2 Responses to Infinite Cuisine: Astronaut Ice Cream

  • jestergoblin says:

    I picked up some of those last year around Christmas time for weird presents and also snagged the ice cream sandwich one.

    Good lord, make sure you have water when you eat these. I made the mistake of eating the ice cream sandwich in a car ride and ended up with the worst headache ever.

  • Newt says:

    That's interesting. I wonder if that's a typical reaction or not.

Leave a Reply