Fast Food Toys

Flashback Friday Food Fighters
Food Fighters Private Pizza
Food Fighters
Private Pizza
4 Inch Scale
By: Mattel

It’s Friday so that must mean it’s time to take a trip in our time machine back to a simpler era of toys. Today we’re going back to 1988 for the infamous Mattel Food Fighter line! I just asked Mattel about doing something for the 25th Anniversary of this line, so I figured we might as well spotlight one of the gems.

Food Fighters, Pizza, Ninja Turtles

The Food Fighters line was pretty simple in concept. Two factions, the Kitchen Commandos and the Refrigerator Rejects, battled it out. Both teams were comprised of food. The Kitchen Commandos were technically the “good guys” but there wasn’t any rhyme or reason behind the choices of the food for each team.

Food Fighters Private Pizza
“Hey, get back-a in the box-a!”

Private Pizza was probably the best figure in the line and he’s one of my personal favorites. Pizza and Lieutenant Legg were the two baddest mofos in the land of Food Fighters when I was a kid. While I didn’t have every figure in this line, I had a bunch and they saw a lot of play. It’s just such a crazy and simple idea that it’s hard not to like them.

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Megatron Flip Out
Kid’s Meal Toy
By: Burger King
$1.09 a la carte

I eat plenty of crappy food in my life thanks in large part to laziness. Yes, I should definitely pack a lunch every day. Yes, I should eat healthier things than Popeye’s biscuits, McDonald’s fries and Wendy’s deserts. I know these things and yet, when it comes down to choosing between spending 15 minutes preparing a lunch or 15 minutes sleeping, I snooze with gusto.

All that said, I still manage to stay away from Burger King. Burger King, particularly the location nearest to where I work, has been a perennial thorn in my stomach for years to the point where I have just about given up. I think I can draw a line back through history to the introduction of the “Chicken Fries” as the point where Burger King went off the rails. Of course I continued to eat there after those long, processed sticks of chicken flavored death were squeezed out of the King’s wretched womb but I avoided them except when left with no other choice.

I told you all of that as a way to emphasize the fact that my love of Transformers causes me to do insane, stupid and even dangerous things including, but not limited to, eating at Burger King. When I found out that Burger King would be getting super deformed style Transformers kid’s meal toys I braced my poor stomach and marched in the front door, ready to fight for my ridiculous trinkets.

Megatron’s got a big head!

When you open up the little bag that he came in it looks like all you got is a giant gray head with no body. Open up the head (it splits along the underside) and you see that the body flips up inside the head. Megatron looks decidedly like the Transformers by Michael Bay version of himself, covered in intricate, sculpted details that make him look like he’s made of scissors.

His arms and legs are very clearly defined by the sculpt and he even has little wheels that would surely be part of his new truck form, that is, if he could transform into a truck. Megatron’s face is the bulk of the toy here and it gets most of the details. His fanged mouth and red eyes bisected by gray lines actually give this initially adorable figure a hint of menace. Megatron is looking at me right now, planning, scheming, and one day I will know his wrath!

There isn’t much paint to speak of, only the dull red of his eyes, and the only part of him that’s not molded in silver/gray is the gold button on his chest. Megatron may not have the most exciting color scheme I’ve ever seen but that’s actually pretty close to what he looked like in the movies and I’m pretty impressed with the amount of detail on this little guy.

We’re gonna go ahead and audible from “Articulation” and “Accessories” here since there’s literally none on Megatron and instead look at what you can do with him.

The main gimmick here is the head opening and closing to store the body, sort of a pseudo-transformation for a toy with a small budget. It’s a fun, incredibly simple thing to do and it makes the toy a lot more interesting than it would have been as a solid lump. As an added bonus, Megatron won’t take up nearly as much space one day when I decide to send him to the endless bin of toys!

In addition to the “transformation” there is a switch on Megatron’s back that turns his sound gizmo on and off. Once the switch is up and on you can push the gold button on his chest to hear the metallic, slightly evil sounding transformation from the movie universe. It’s a pretty neat sound and it’s pretty loud to boot! Now, thanks to a trip to Burger King, I don’t have to make this sound with my mouth while I play with my Transformers!

This Megatron isn’t going to replace any of the bigger, actually transformable versions of himself. His best use is probably as a desk trinket or a toy for a very small child who can’t be left unattended with more complicated things.

Megatron cost me $1.09 including tax. If I’d have bought a kid’s meal instead of the “healthier” chicken sandwich I ate he would have been around $3 but come with a lot of edible accessories.

For that price I have to say that this figure, and the other ones like it, are worth scooping up to fiddle around with for a little while or leave on your desk to freak out your co-workers. They have a similar look to designer vinyl figures with the wonky proportions like Mighty Muggs or the DC Blammoids and they cost around 1/10th the price.

Megatron feels sturdy enough, especially considering that the biggest part of him is largely hollow, and he stands up easily. I’m sure this is mainly because of the electronics present in his body section. He would probably break relatively easily if you let your kid or your dog throw him around so that could be considered a strike against him in the value department. On the other hand, I don’t know of any kid’s meal toys that don’t feel at least a little cheap and this one falls decidedly on the “tough” side compared to most similar products.

Well? Does it suck?
This small, deformed Megatron does not suck. I’m pretty pleased with him and plan to head over to Burger King for more once I get up the nerve to ask for specific kid’s toys. I don’t know for sure how long he’s going to stay on my desk but for now I’m having fun folding him in on himself and chasing the guinea pigs with him.

The ads for Burger King show that each figure has a different gimmick and the character selection is actually pretty good. I don’t really see any reason for me not to pick up the whole set for the grand total of $9 it’s going to set me back. These really do look nice as simplified, stylized versions of the movie Transformers and plus, once I have them all I can go back to avoiding Burger King like the blasted wasteland it is.