Just when you thought it was safe to enter the toy section, it’s time once again for another installment of… TALES FROM THE TOY AISLE!
This time we head to an entirely new type of toy aisle. The toy section at Gander Mountain! I bet you didn’t know there was a toy section at Gander Mountain, did you? Honestly, neither did I. For the uninitiated, Gander Mountain is an “outdoorsman” store, not unlike the kind of place Tim Allen’s “Last Man Standing” would work at.
For the most part they sell guns, hunting gear, more guns and fishing supplies. Speaking of which, the entire store reeked of rubber fishing tackle. Literally every section smelled like some little rubber lure. Aside from the stench, what sort of toys do they have?
As you might expect, they have a lot of toy guns. And I do mean a LOT! They even have pink ones for girls.
Sometime last year I lamented that more stores didn’t sell toy guns anymore, but this is overkill. Gander Mountain not only has a crap load of real guns, but also ones to get “junior” into shooting things as well. It’s kind of scary.
The best stuff is the “exclusives” like the Bone Collector here. Wait, the BONE COLLECTOR?! Gander Mountain is starting to turn into less of a sporting goods store and more into a primer for young serial killers. Who the heck comes up with this stuff? Why is this guy the Bone Collector?!
And look, it’s our old friend Hunter Dan! We reviewed his Beast ATV way back in 2009! Dan still looks like he’s spent one too many nights fishing in his own gene pool, but his accessories are cool. They were also on clearance, an area that Dan knows all too well.
This next guy doesn’t have a name, but I like to pretend he’s the 3 3/4 version of Hunter Dan… He has less articulation than the real thing, so I’ll call it Hunter Dan: Retaliation for now.
And of course if your kid is into smashing squirrels in the head with a hammer, the Bone Collector has a “Rescue Heroes” style figure to add into the mix as well. The only thing that needs rescuing is the poor kids who’ll end up with this toy. I love that the skull and antlers of the deer head on the front of this package also shape a human skull… Foreshadowing of what kind of “bone collectors” kids who play with this toy will grow up to collect?!
It’s not all murder and mayhem, though. Here’s a nice set of toy animals and a young explorer who’s only accessory is a pair of binoculars, so he can watch these majestic creatures of nature from afar.
At least until 3 3/4 dad shows up with his rifle. “We’re eating black bear tonight son!” The black bear may not be on the endangered species list yet, but you can help set him on that path with this playset!
Hey look, MORE GUNS!
Don’t forget to get one for little sis! She can be the Texas Rose! I wonder what kind of awkward conversations are had at Gander Mountain when a little boy brings this gun up to his dad and says he wants to buy it?!
The Wild Hunter set comes with an RV and a good ol’ American pickup truck. Also a hunter in various hunting poses and some hapless animal kingdom victims.
An assortment of bows and various inflatable 3-D targets for you to shoot.
Even the crossbow gets some plastic toy version love.
Finally we end on some camoflauge trucks along with an ATV and a rider. It’s one of the only sets that don’t involve guns or animal murdering. I’m almost surprised this set doesn’t come with some roadkill or something!
Would anyone like to see me review some of these crappy toys?
As Nietzsche once said, when you gander into the mountain, the mountain ganders into you. Until next time, be on the lookout for more TALES FROM THE TOY AISLE!